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Post by Anonymous on Aug 15, 2014 14:51:51 GMT
I'll be okay I know but I am hurting, i exercise it away most days, go to church, stay busy but this pain keeps welling up in me so today i have decided to just express my hurt. I also have to move beyond it, I know-
1) I was an 'unwanted' child. Even though my parents were/are married I was not in the budget as teh last child and I was told this before 5 and was never allowed to forget it, by my parents or my other siblings
2) I was the darkest in my family and rejected, favoritism runs rampant in my family primarily around light skin-it kills me how strong white supremacy is, it even determines which child gets love in a socalled black home-smdh
3) my mother has never been a 'mother' and has always kept confusion gong with me and my siblings, I am the d esignated enemy and have never been allowed to be anything more in the 'family'
4) it's so deep there is so much more but I am hurting
Please someone just send me a positive vibration, thought or prayer. I feel so alone, damaged and I don't have anyone to talk to. I did go to a therapist once and she basicaly told me to leave my family, that was 7 years ago, now i see she was right. She said they would never change and they haven't.
Somebody pray for me.
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Post by missy on Aug 16, 2014 0:35:55 GMT
I grew up in the same position, a friend gave me a prayer, I say it whenever I need too, I want to share it with you, I hope it helps
Bless you
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prayer for peace of mind
Lead me to your still streams O Lord
Where I can kneel in the waters of life
Lay down my anxious thoughts
And cast all my cares on You
Here I will wait a while
Wait a while
And bathe in the life-giving waters
Bathe my mind in Your Spirit O God
Come fill my being with Your peace
Bathe my heart with Your love O God
Come still my being with Your peace
Bathe my spirit with Your freedom O God
Come saturate this life with Your peace.
Amen
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Post by Heidi on Aug 16, 2014 4:27:09 GMT
My Mother favored her lighter skin children too...I was raised by a mom racist against her own race...I saw my darker completic siblings get treated like dirt and called all kinds of names...I was favored because I was lighter...Ny Mother was dark skin herself..This is all the result from slavery...All u can do is control your reaction to your family.You can't control anyone but yourself..Your therapist was right ,let them go..if you can't do it psysically do it mentally.You are being abused...
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Praying for Anonymous
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Post by Praying for Anonymous on Aug 17, 2014 3:33:33 GMT
Growing up in a family like that is very hurtful. It takes every ounce of energy you can muster and everything in you, just to keep going forward and not give up on yourself. This type of family does so much harm that eventually you no longer need them to put you down because you've learned and become an expert on how to be hard on your own self. Sometimes even harder. It's a shame that there are so many people who share the same story, hurt and pain. I wish I could give a good extra EXTRA hard swift kick in the ass to every black person's who does this. Yes, I know that's not the Christian thing to do, but it makes me so mad I could fight.
Anyway...Get yourself a few black history books and learn what no one taught you and that is you're a product of Kings and Queens who were not only intelligent but shared the same beautiful hue as you do. Learn why being black is so "evil" and "intimidating" to the oppressors. And why some of our people are mentally still on a plantation. Learn why the oppressor now advocate for dark skin people to inter mix, marry and procreate. Gather and learn a wealth of information that will have you so high your feet won't touch the ground.
Next...Build your own family. I'm not talking about getting pregnant, but I am talking about having only certain types of people you surround yourself with. I suggest highly intelligent people because they don't have time for colorism, they're too busy living life, learning, traveling, and advancing themselves. Some might call them nerds, but they are the true movers and shakers of the world. (And it would be a helluva network for you. You never know who you might need, right?) Which is why most of them don't have time to care about skin color. You'd be surprised how just a simple worldly conversation about something important could help distant you from negative small minded people who drain you and put you right back in a funk. I know none of this is easy, but you have to fight for you. I repeat...You have to fight for you!!! The Most High put you here for a reason and it was not to be used, abused and mistreated. He loves you and he is the only reason why I'm taking this time to show you support and pray for you. Keep him close and dear to your heart. He makes the difference, he fights our battles, he opens doors, he send his Angels to watch and guard over you. He's awesome. Long story short...if I had not FINALLY turned to him, I don't know where I'd be. I got tired of trying to fix problems that were out of my hands and wanted to give up...and I did give up, but I gave up and handed him all of my hurt, pain, problems, suffering, tears, heartache, and thoughts of suicide. And today! I stand here as a survivor. A woman of God. And something I thought I'd never be....Happy. Now...It's your move.
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Praying for Anonymous
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Post by Praying for Anonymous on Aug 17, 2014 3:50:30 GMT
Beautiful women like yourself.
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Post by Anonymous on Aug 17, 2014 14:46:53 GMT
Thank each and everyone of you who cared enough to show me some love. I just needed someone to feel me and you all have. After my post I laid in bed a while then I called a lady from a church I visit so regularly I may as well be a member. She was that angel I have the tendency to start talking then say forget it, she wad like no get it out, get it out. I started crying she told me keep crying, cry to the last tear comes out, then she said let's pray. During that prayer I felt something down in my soul and in my spirit and it was just what many of you said, I felt my strength, i remembered last weeks sermon about power in praise and I just started thanking Gid and praising God for everything as despite of them my life outside of them is just fine. I went to our community garden and worked there barefoot (never did that) and just felt so much better. Then I remembered my pastor who is a woman was guest preaching that night, I went and all I can say us Praise The Lord! It's Sunday and I can't wait for church, I have to stay prayed up, praised up and focused on my goals. I had to move back home fir financial reasons, I have to get out if here and I realize that and I will. Thank you all from the bottom of my wounded but strongly beating heart. I will make it, I have promised myself I will! Thank you
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Post by Anonymous on Aug 17, 2014 14:54:48 GMT
Loved the video! Beautiful!
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Post by eljjai on Aug 18, 2014 7:48:52 GMT
Hi dear,
I'll pray for you. You need to take care of you. your therapist was right. You need to leave them. They aren't going to change short of a miracle from God. You need to cut them off and start afresh far far away from them.
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Post by giftofdiscernment on Aug 19, 2014 16:38:09 GMT
I'll be okay I know but I am hurting, i exercise it away most days, go to church, stay busy but this pain keeps welling up in me so today i have decided to just express my hurt. I also have to move beyond it, I know- 1) I was an 'unwanted' child. Even though my parents were/are married I was not in the budget as teh last child and I was told this before 5 and was never allowed to forget it, by my parents or my other siblings 2) I was the darkest in my family and rejected, favoritism runs rampant in my family primarily around light skin-it kills me how strong white supremacy is, it even determines which child gets love in a socalled black home-smdh 3) my mother has never been a 'mother' and has always kept confusion gong with me and my siblings, I am the d esignated enemy and have never been allowed to be anything more in the 'family' 4) it's so deep there is so much more but I am hurting Please someone just send me a positive vibration, thought or prayer. I feel so alone, damaged and I don't have anyone to talk to. I did go to a therapist once and she basicaly told me to leave my family, that was 7 years ago, now i see she was right. She said they would never change and they haven't. Somebody pray for me. You are in my prayers anonymous guest. You are a child of God, a beautiful and perfect reflection of your creator. We can't choose our family, but we can choose how we choose to live our lives. Break away from the negative energy and build a new life for yourself. The possibilities are endless. Sending love and light your way! |
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Post by shanaelmsford on Aug 19, 2014 17:21:20 GMT
Anon, I'll keep you in my prayers. And I completely co-sign Praying for Anonymous' comment about building your own family. It may take some time but when you have God and good,caring people on your side the world is yours for the taking.
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Post by Phoenix on Aug 28, 2014 19:42:29 GMT
you are beautiful and loved, sweetheart. Don't ever forget it. No one can ever take that away from you, no matter how they behave and what they say. I know it may be rough now, but believe me, a positive change is coming for you. Beauty comes in every single shade, shape, size, you name it. And remember that if they make you feel that way, the ones who should feel ashamed are only them. Hold that beautiful head of yours high.
you are ADORED.
LOVE AND BLESSINGS <3
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